There is really nothing cooler in this world than knowing you're making a difference. Heck, it might be an indirect difference about 12-times-removed, but when you know - I mean really KNOW - that what you're doing is having an impact, nothing equals it.
I've just walked in the door from my 2nd 12 hour day in a row. Last week I had a 12 hour day & a 15 hour day. I've pulled several all nighters in the past couple of months. My work/life balance is completely out of control (it's also under review & plans are being made to fix it), but I'm sitting down for a reheated dinner at nearly 10 pm with a sense of 'fullness' because I'm one person in a world of billions and what I do matters.
I'm no Billy Graham & certainly no Mother Teresa, but I am Angela Stewart and while maybe I sat in a discussion tonight & 'changed' the world instead of preached to a crowd of thousands to change the world, I'm one piece in a puzzle that's making a ripple. After all, isn't that what Mother Teresa did? Mopped one brow, fed one orphan, comforted one mortal...but you put it together & something is created exponentially larger than the sum of it's parts. Something that lasts well beyond any single lifespan. Not just a legacy or a memory cherished by those it directly impacts...but a living organism that carries on & builds momentum long after its original spark is 'gone'.
I. Am. That. Spark.
I rest my head on the pillow tonight with a happy exhaustion that can only come from being fulfilled in what I do. And isn't that sort of true for everyone - we feel best about ourselves when we know what we're doing MATTERS?
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ReplyDeleteLove it Ang...
ReplyDeleteThe crazy thing is that I seek fulfillment so much in my life. I think I get it backwards, and by no way am i insinuating that you do the same. I just seem to not often be in the right state of mind.
I started to realize that I chased Fulfillment as the end means. I serve God, I do His work, I give my life away so that I can sense Fulfillment. It's as if the fulfilling sensation has become my end means, instead of intimacy with God.
Now being with God, truly being in deep relationship with God, goes hand in hand with fulfillment. Really, it's being in deep relationship that brings humanity back to the way that we were originally intended to be. Thus as we take steps closer to being the people we were originally intended to be, the more we realize our place. Isn't fulfillment the act of completion? Is not fulfillment being the people God designed us to originally be?
Unfortunately, since Fulfillment is the end means for me at times i tend to feel a sense of entitlement. As if I deserve to be fulfilled. I give my life to God, I should be fulfilled in return. I sacrifice my life, God you better give me a sense of completion. This entitlement is walking on the wrong side of the street. Instead of going with God's direction, I'm standing in on the opposite side of the yellow lines facing head on traffic.
But thank God he does give us the gift of feeling fulfilled when we draw closer to him. Thank Him that there is an oddly familiar sense of "this is where I'm supposed to be" that occurs when we start to become who we were originally intended to be. He could have easily made it an emotionless sensation when we finally get things straight as a person/community. We do not deserve these nice fulfilling emotions. There's nothing that we did that merits that. Yet He allows that to occur when we do turn back to Him.
Anyways, I don't want to be debbie downer, because I loved your blog entry. I guess, it just SPARKED something (look at me using the title in my response) and out came everything that goes on in my dialogue with God.
Much love ang... keep up the writting. It's fun to read, and pick through your brain. Tell the fam hi. Tell Jason hi. Tell all the old friends hi. Have a good easter
I'm totally with you, Kev, on the wrong-motives business. A quest for fulfillment may not be my Achilles heel, but working FOR God has been a recurring theme in my life. I found it not coincidental that after spending the morning talk to God about helping me filter out my motives for working so hard, that I get a post from you encouraging me to watch out for poor motives! There's a certain beast in ministry - like minded people who are sold out on God's vision - that, while I wouldn't trade anything in the world to be another type of beast, seems to be terribly susceptible to running from the wrong motives. I'd still rather be that kind of beast than get to the end of my life & worry if I'd really tried my hardest. But hearing the word of encouragement from a fairly similar sort of person is certainly good for me! Do Debbie Downers here. Hey, I'm new to Debbie, do you think she's already met Bitter Betty? She hands out around my neighborhood a lot :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Easter!